I thought I was over this...

[Scott]

Today I was hanging out with my friend Bill and a cute girl who we'll call MK. At some point she mentioned how her former coworker used to make fun of how short she was (she's about 4'11" or 5'). Then Bill said "well Scott used to be very anti-heightism himself. He always wanted to highlight how much prejudice there is against short people at work and in dating."

I didn't show it, but I got pretty upset with Bill. I didn't like him drawing attention to the fact that I'm short, especially since MK used to tell me "it's very important for a man to be tall." And she occasionally makes fun of me for being short as well. Bill is 6'2" and MK said to him, in a fawning voice, "you're even taller than I remember!" when we met up with her today. Which, of course, made me feel kinda crappy.

Do you think I'm right to be upset with Bill? I don't want people to bring to light the fact that I'm short or that I've ever had a problem with that. It's not good for a girl to see a man has had insecurities!

[Darryl]

I have the opposite problem. I'm 6'5" and 300 lbs. It's not all muscle yet.

There are some shorter guys at work who act like I'm going to beat them up and take their lunch money. It's pretty lame, especially because I am friendly towards most everyone. Also, two years ago my apartment building burned down. I lost everything and was homeless for a couple of days.

So I wonder how these guys, who have seen me at my most vulnerable, can take this attitude towards me now.

I can't control their behavior or their attitude. I had to realize that this issue is theirs to sort out, NOT MINE.

Deserving what you want comes down to looking at yourself and discovering the things that can be improved.

Don't let your height define your masculinity.
I repeat:
DON'T LET YOUR HEIGHT DEFINE YOUR MASCULINITY.
I know you could say, "Easy for you to say, you're tall." But you're wrong.
My height doesn't define my masculinity, I DO, by how I carry myself, by how I treat others. I have been tall for many years, but only recently have I started carrying myself masculinely.

[Scot McKay]

Well, Scott, on one level this is a solid case of having to sleep in a bed you've made for yourself.

It sounds like your friend is simply commenting on a topic of conversation you've been very comfortable discussing in the past, so you really can't hold it against him. In a way, my guess is that he thought he was paying you a compliment.

At the very least, look at it this way. You now know FIRST HAND the kind of effect your previous outlook on things had on others, because you feel it yourself when the topic comes up. Interesting in a way, right? That proves you really have "turned the corner" here.

As for the woman, don't sweat that either. She has her tastes and you have yours. Again...she doesn't speak for every woman. You just keep progressing as a "big four" man and what you've experienced here will become less and less frequent of an occurrence sooner than later. I promise.
_________________
Scot McKay
Founder
X & Y Communications
scot@xandycommunications.net